Reminiscence

And then there are those moments in life when that moment recreates itself in a sense of possibility. The life that was, the life that would've been, the hope that left you behind........
I spent time dwelling on the past and then worked up the courage to move on. Heft in order, pride shattered, that sense to emote left scared, working through that tussle of regret and anger & left staring at a closed door to the future. If only it was another man I'd feel redeemed with proven inability. Unfortunately all that there is to hold on is the hope in regret. Pathetic as this sounds remnants of a past that didn't walk away, didn't hide away but, still lingers.
It still lingers like the crackle of a soft tone when in pain, the connection through bouts of concern, twisting strands behind that gorgeous milky-white toned ear, the soft grip of interlocking fingers, that shoulder brush in turning away, the feel of that cheek rubbing against a rugged palm, the sweet smell of a naked body on clean sheets and of course a passion aroused with every split-second kiss that keeps the daze alive long enough to forget any other feeling through a human body.
If only I'd realise what kind of a person I am - not in conjunction with that higher being - I'd shy away and hide from the fact that growing into a better person was not because I put any effort into it but solely dependant on being built to what I am today, hopefully, what I will be tomorrow!!
Joshua Radin from the 'Scrubs' fame put out a gorgeous number called 'Winter'. Gives you that warm feeling of that person you lost giving hope only in the lingering feelings of yesteryear. Do not just read through the lyrics but hit you-tube / hit the closest music store and pick this one up - its worth a listen.

I should know who I am by now

I walk the record stands somehow

Thinking of winter

Your name is the splinter inside me

While I wait

And I remember the sound

Of your November downtown

And I remember the truth

A warm December with you

But I don't have to make this mistake

And I don't have to stay this way

If only I would wait ('wake?)

The walk has all been cleared by now

Your voice is all I hear somehow

Calling out winter

Your voice is the splinter inside me

While I wait

And I remember the sound

Of your November downtown

And I remember the truth

A warm December with you

But I don't have to make this mistake

And I don't have to stay this way

If only I would wait ('wake?)

I could have lost myself in rough blue waters in your eyes

And I miss you still

I remember the sound

Of your November downtown

And I remember the truth

A warm December with you

But I don't have to make this mistake

And I don't have to stay this way

If only I would wait ('wake?)

Going back to the start

This piece was in Draft for about 2 years and for some moment of perfection that is today, I happened to be reading through some of my Blog's and stumbled across this one just when the very song that I was writing for began to play on the Radio. Coincidences apart, it seems a worthy moment for me to finish and publish this song.

Many times in our lives we spend all our days searching for a meaning. A meaning for something special, something special that sets you apart, something to give you purpose to your life, to your existence on earth and at times just simply - seeking a profound meaning of life's little treasures that are short-lived in reality but remain perennial in your mind keeping you plugged into a constant exploration questioning what if, how, why and why not.....dwelling in what can only be measured as a fraction of a second in reality but a life long journey in your mind - its called a moment. Sometimes meaning can give you angst, hunger for hope and and deprive you of a treasure that is clouded in you just yearning to learn of its meaning.
Meaning, meaning, meaning - the meaning of life, the meaning of love, whats would we do if we didn't step towards that search for the everlasting stairway yearning for the meaning for everything? If you were to fall in love - a supposition that will already take you back to the memory of that past love that you gave up on or passed you by and you wonder and wonder - What if? Then on reflection provide yourself with a choice to dwell on what could have been or decide with the easiest of lies that you have reprogrammed yourself to believe that it was never meant to be and with that wipe that phase away for the moment like swiftly administered amnesia thinking that life must move on.
If only I could go back, If only she actually believed in me, if only I could change myself just a little bit - its such a shame that we had to part. Wish I could be there to look at myself when it all began - right at the start and I'll bet you'll have a smile on your face.

The band Coldplay most times, get emotions, bang-on-spot and leave no stone unturned when it comes to giving you the hope of facing the future of life's little adventures in anticipation of avoiding any (supposed) misery and hoping for a change. Well here is a song pleading for a bit of hope. The Scientist by Coldplay.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you, tell you I need you,

Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,

Oh lets go back to the start.

Running in circles,

Comin' up TailsHeads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,It's such a shame for us to part.

Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard.

Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin' at numbers and figures,

Pulling your puzzles apart.

Questions of science, science and progress

Do not speak as loud as my heart.

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me

Oh and I rush to the start.

Runnin' in circles, Chasin' up TailsComin' back as we are

Nobody said it was easy,Oh it's such a shame for us to part.

Nobody said it was easy,No one ever said it would be so hard.

I'm goin' back to the start.